Anything is just what it makes us

5 things for Saturday • September 24 • 2011

  1. There was an amazing going-away-party for Kayla P. at Matt’s house (aka the Fortress of Cattitude) on Friday evening. Matt, Matt H., Laurie and Jordan are all in a band called MANCRATE (or is it Man Crate? two words?) and they killed it last night. Rion’s band played too, but I forgot their name. It was REALLY LOUD and (as I often do at live shows now that I am a “grown up”) I felt like I was in high school at 242 Main again (what’s up 1999!). Lots of really wonderful people all in one place. Since I feel like lately I’ve been harnessing a lot of my domestic, cat-lady-without-cats, hanging-out-in-the-sleepwear-equivalent-of-a-Snuggie energy, I haven’t felt that stoked about a big party in a while! Not to mention that there were awesome snacks like “all natural” jalepeño cheddar cheese curls, and beer like Zion Canyon Jamaican-style lager. Kayla said some really sweet things, thanking me for introducing her to Tombow™ brush pens and how I inspired her to continue drawing in her journal. I could say the same about her! ‘Twas Kayla, after all, who dragged my ass to Portland, OR in the first place for Stumptown. AND because of the bogus migraine I was trying to fend off, I carted my bike down the driveway at weenie-o’clock (about midnight) preparing to leave, when I heard “Genius of Love,” and then THIS JAM. I immediately sprinted back to the Boogie Barn to take part in one of the best double-header Mariah Carey dance shimmies/sing-a-longs I have ever participated in. Double-header because after the first MC hit single, Jordan seamlessly threw down “Heartbreaker.” And then? “Cool It Now.” YES.
  2. Whew! That one Thing took like hours because I am trying to navigate WordPress’ somewhat confusing labyrinth of media uploads [Did you like all of those links? Did they work?? VALIDATE MEEEEE]. I would have treated you to a full .m4a of “Fantasy,” but I am not allowed to upload that type of file, according to WordPress’ murky justification, “for security reasons.” As I said to Mary yesterday, I’m slowly realizing that an amateur’s (read: us) choice of WordPress as a way to “try out” blogging is like saying you’d like to learn a little bit more about God and following up by reading the Torah, the Qur’an and the Old & New Testaments in 24 hours. Or saying, “I’d like to get into politics. I’m going to run for President of the United States of America.” We’ll see how this roller coaster of internet fun treats us!
  3. I woke up this morning and remembered a promise I’d made to my good buddy Paul B. at The Party – that I’d be over to his place at promptly 11 a.m. to watch some short films he’s been working on. Paul is a longtime art-maker, a decent guitarist and fledgling filmmaker. We met when both of us worked at Utrecht Art Supply in Sugarhouse! History. I’ve had the privilege of reading several of his scripts and I’ve seen a few of his shorts here & there, but I felt a screening of his new stuff was long overdue. He would admonish me if I gave away any of his world-changing secrets (believe me, they are world-changing) so I can’t divulge too much about what I saw today, but MAN, Paul has that sort of birth-given knack for making excellent movie pictures. He has a keen eye for light, texture, the movement through and composition of each frame. His writing is honest and surprising and real. And funny! The dude is effing funny. We wrapped up our hang by indulging in tasteless, inappropriate chuckles with “Horrible People” and “Hot Sluts.”
  4. I stopped by Whole Foods on my way home because I was starving, bought one of their sandwiches from the deli (portobello + pesto + goat cheese) and ate it outside because it was a nice, hot day. This lady selling jewelry out of suitcase came up and asked me if I had any ibuprofen or pain meds, as she was currently suffering from both a toothache and a migraine. I felt compassionate because of my ordeal last night [note: I had to get up no less than FIVE times to pee, because of all the water I made myself drink, and it seemed like every hour that went by, my headache still hung around] but I couldn’t find the little vial of heroine crystal meth ibuprofen i usually keep in my bag. And THEN this older lady in a nice black-and-white dress and heels came up and asked me on behalf of the jewelry-seller, like “Do you have any Advil, she really needs some,” but right as she was asking I found it!!!!!! The little travel vial was squirreled away in an unfamiliar pocket in my bag. So I gave it to Jewelry Lady and she was very grateful. She had a really cute dog that looked like a pug-miniature boxer mix. I did not buy any of her jewelry, but I did supply her with street medz.
  5. Headed home on the two-wheeler, “got a wild hair/hare” (WHO can tell me which one is correct?) and decided to bake oatmeal-raisin-whatever cookies (oatmeal because we have tons of the stuff, don’t have chocolate chips and I only have a handful of Sno-Caps™ left)(seriously considered putting Sno-Caps™ into the cookies). My 1974 edition of The Joy of Cooking (coincidentally, a birthday gift from Paul B.!) had a recipe on page 653 for “COOKIES: Oatmeal, GEMS” and I dove head-first into the vintage adventure. I like using the 1974 edition because it calls for a sh*t-load of butter and stuff like “1 can of coconut flakes” (because I have a lot of cans of coconut flakes just laying about), has recipes such as “Sauerkraut Balls,” “toast rolls with ham and asparagus” and “Noodle dish, leftover, quantity,” and HELL NO are you going to find anything about quinoa up in this piece. Also, the yield for “oatmeal gems” was FIFTY (yes, 5-0, five times ten) 2-inch cookies. I ended up with 18. Now there are 12. Results? DELICIOUS. Oatmeal-raisin-coconut-hempseed-vanilla-cinnamon were the main characters.

    Irma Rombauer would be proud

  6. A POEM:
    Fruit flies in the kitchen,
    fruit flies on the stairs
    Fruit flies in the sink,
    fruit flies everywhere.
    Fruit flies in the basement,

    fruit flies in my chair.
    Fruit flies in the F*CKING SHOWER REALLY?! GROSS
    Fruit flies everywhere.

posted by Emily

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3 thoughts on “Anything is just what it makes us

  1. KatieO says:

    The Best Way to Beat Fruit Flies (a haiku):

    Bowl shallow-filled with
    Apple cider vinegar
    Two drops dishsoap; death.

    K-Bot ft. Chris

  2. 5fivethings says:


    (a response haiku)

    Lo, I should have known
    Katie and Chris are masters
    at quick fruit fly death.

    Thanks, guys! They’re all over the place. I will kill the bastards.

  3. Kayla says:

    You’d think the shoutout would be my favorite part of this post, instead, that poem fucking killed it. Thank you, Em, for all those nice words.

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